As a divorce coach, mediator, and psychotherapist, I come across many couples and individuals who, despite the clear signs that their marriage is over, seem to be stuck in a painful limbo. I am rarely surprised by this as, after all, who really WANTS to go through a divorce?Read more
From: LM, in Norfolk County
Excellent question, LM!
An effective parenting plan is created just for you and your family and is not a one size fits all (or ‘template’) plan. Crafting your plan (like making a scrumptious meal from scratch) will take some time and skill. Working with the right professional, who can truly LISTEN and LEARN about you and your family, ask the right questions to develop an understanding of how you have done things in the past (and even present you with good ideas on what might work for the future) is essential. The plan with the best fit for your family will be based on:
-Your particular children’s ages, personalities, temperament, and coping skills
-Yours (and your Ex’s) own personalities, relationship skills, and how communication abilities
-Your past marital/couple relationship style and your co-parenting relationship goals
Keep in mind that all of the above change over time, too, so your parenting plan should regularly be reviewed and updated to better suit the needs of your ever growing/changing children and family. The best Parenting Plan is one that is customized to fit the needs of your particular children, of your particular co-parenting relationship (accounting for each of your communication and decision making styles) and for your family’s work/school/activity schedule.
If only there were a fool-proof formula that parents could follow and feel reassured that they were saying the right thing, the right way, and at the right time when it comes to telling the children about your separation or divorce. Unfortunately, there is not because every situation is different and every family (in terms of communication styles, personalities, history, etc.) is different, too. But, luckily, there are some guidelines to follow that will surely help. These include:Read more
Read this thought provoking article by Lindsay Geller, of Ashton Kucher’s ‘A+ Media‘ on what to do if you are not happy with your new significant other’s Co-parenting style…and see what I had to say about this:
Many of the unhappily married parents I speak with talk about staying married for the sake of their children. “We’ll wait until the kids leave for college, so they can grow up in a home with a mom and a dad” is an all too common refrain. The problem with this logic, though well-intended, is that it doesn’t consider the negative impacts on children of growing up in a home with parents who are not true partners, who don’t love or even like each other, who fight or ignore each other, or worse. Read more
You may have heard about divorce coaching, but did you know that a skillful divorce coach can save you and your family: time, money, and aggravation? Here’s how:
A Divorce Coach Can Help You Know What You Need. Many divorcing clients have difficulty sorting through the options and possibilities to pinpoint what is most important. It’s easy to get off track or feel overwhelmed Read more
Why isn’t mediation the most popular of all divorce processes? Read my new article in the Huffington Post and learn 5 possible reasons why not: Read more
What should you do once you have learned your spouse has been unfaithful? Some people, having just learned about an affair, come to my office wanting a divorce as fast as possible. Others, want to go out and get even, while still others, upon hearing the news of infidelity, try to ignore it and just move on with life.
Here is some topnotch co-parenting advice and wisdom from a 6 year old girl:
It only takes one parent to change the co-parenting relationship for the better! Read more about it in my newest Huffington Post Blog Read more