As a divorce coach, mediator, and psychotherapist, I come across many couples and individuals who, despite the clear signs that their marriage is over, seem to be stuck in a painful limbo. I am rarely surprised by this as, after all, who really WANTS to go through a divorce?Read more
From: LM, in Norfolk County
Excellent question, LM!
An effective parenting plan is created just for you and your family and is not a one size fits all (or ‘template’) plan. Crafting your plan (like making a scrumptious meal from scratch) will take some time and skill. Working with the right professional, who can truly LISTEN and LEARN about you and your family, ask the right questions to develop an understanding of how you have done things in the past (and even present you with good ideas on what might work for the future) is essential. The plan with the best fit for your family will be based on:
-Your particular children’s ages, personalities, temperament, and coping skills
-Yours (and your Ex’s) own personalities, relationship skills, and how communication abilities
-Your past marital/couple relationship style and your co-parenting relationship goals
Keep in mind that all of the above change over time, too, so your parenting plan should regularly be reviewed and updated to better suit the needs of your ever growing/changing children and family. The best Parenting Plan is one that is customized to fit the needs of your particular children, of your particular co-parenting relationship (accounting for each of your communication and decision making styles) and for your family’s work/school/activity schedule.
Many of the unhappily married parents I speak with talk about staying married for the sake of their children. “We’ll wait until the kids leave for college, so they can grow up in a home with a mom and a dad” is an all too common refrain. The problem with this logic, though well-intended, is that it doesn’t consider the negative impacts on children of growing up in a home with parents who are not true partners, who don’t love or even like each other, who fight or ignore each other, or worse. Read more
You may have heard about divorce coaching, but did you know that a skillful divorce coach can save you and your family: time, money, and aggravation? Here’s how:
A Divorce Coach Can Help You Know What You Need. Many divorcing clients have difficulty sorting through the options and possibilities to pinpoint what is most important. It’s easy to get off track or feel overwhelmed Read more
Why isn’t mediation the most popular of all divorce processes? Read my new article in the Huffington Post and learn 5 possible reasons why not: Read more
What should you do once you have learned your spouse has been unfaithful? Some people, having just learned about an affair, come to my office wanting a divorce as fast as possible. Others, want to go out and get even, while still others, upon hearing the news of infidelity, try to ignore it and just move on with life.
Believe it or not, when it comes to the most important issues, we humans are naturally of two minds and often find ourselves both wanting and not wanting the exact same thing, to some degree. In other words, we are naturally ambivalent about most things—we see the potential positives and the potential negatives of situations. Read more
What’s the best way to end your marriage?
Well, you could send a subscription of Divorce Magazine to your spouse, or you could scatter the business cards of several divorce attorneys, like rose petals, across your bed, or you could paint a yellow line down the middle of every room in your house and label each side “Yours” or “Mine”. A better way to end your marital relationship, however, is to begin a new relationship… no, not with a new partner, but with a Divorce Coach, a Mediator/Co-Mediators, or a Collaborative Attorney. Choosing the right Divorce Professionals takes skill and some luck and ranks way up there in importance, maybe as high as choosing the right mate, don’t you think?
The right Divorce Professionals can assist you Read more
In order to achieve true equality, same-sex married couples must be able to legally divorce. Supreme Court decisions recently made regarding the Defense of Marriage Act might pave the way for this to happen. Read more
When it comes to knowing who you can trust and who you can’t, figuring out which friends are true friends is never easy, especially in the case of divorce. As you and your spouse are beginning to untangle your lives, even your best friend can become suspect, particularly if their spouse and your spouse are or have been close friends. Who will remain loyal to you and can be entrusted with your confidence and who might not are questions every divorcing individual must face. How do we find the answers? Here are five simple questions to ask when addressing the ‘Which friends are my true friends issue. Read more