Why Blame Your Ex?

Why do so many divorcing and divorced women and men get stalled in the personal growth department by blaming the failure of their marriage entirely or mostly on their ex? When it comes to relationship failure, blaming the other is all too common. In the moment it can make us feel better or justified or even ‘off the hook’ for our own mistakes, but in the long run, playing the blame game interferes with our ability to have deep and more satisfying relationships and to grow.

Here are 5 reasons why we love to blame the ex and why it may not be so helpful after all! Read more

Why You Should Stop Blaming Your Ex

Heaping all or most of the blame for your failed marriage onto your ex-spouse is tempting and quite common, but it really doesn’t help. In fact, it can hurt you in the long run (more on this in my next post!) Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE to CO-PARENT: Part 2

In Part 1 of this 2 part series, we examined the role feelings play as parents move through the ending of the marriage/divorce process and then beyond  into a co-parenting relationship. In this article, we will explore how to effectively make the emotional shift from spouse to ex-spouse to cooperative co-parent, in two big steps. In Step 1,  you will Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE To CO-PARENT: Part 1

What does it take to transition emotionally from spouses to ‘exes’ to co-parents? How can you engage peacefully in the business of raising healthy children with someone you used to be married to with all of that history between you? Rolling back your relationship to a more formal, business-like arrangement might seem impossible, but while it can be a challenging and difficult process,  it is do-able. It’s also much better for your children.

While there is no perfect “How To” on this, there are some guidelines that can help you Read more

Co-Parenting After Divorce In The Here And Now

When it comes to co-parenting your child or children after divorce, the temptation to try to make up for the past is always present as feelings such as guilt, disappointment, and frustration (on the part of a co-parent) can interfere with your ability to parent in the ‘here and now’. Read more

When Do You Go From “Divorced” To “Single”?

Recently, I used Google to pose this question, “When does the transition from ‘divorced’ to ‘single’ happen?” The answers I found were very interesting. Some message boards listed answers like: “As soon as the ink on your divorce agreement is dried”, or “Whenever you feel single, you are, even if you’re still married!”. Read more

Can’t You Both Be The ‘Fun’ (Co-)Parent After Divorce?

Parents worry. Parents undergoing divorce may worry even more. They may worry that their children won’t adjust to their new life or the new town or the new living arrangements. They may worry that they won’t do well in school or sports or that they will struggle socially and won’t fit in. Worrying simply seems to go with the territory.

Many parents also worry that because the kids will be living with them most of the time, they will have to take on (or continue to shoulder) the lion’s share of the parenting responsibilities. Read more

Parenting After Divorce

What can you do if your adolescent daughter brings a troubling issue to you and you have absolutely no idea how to handle it? How can you learn the best way to teach your toddler not to do something?  What if your kids just won’t stop fighting? Will you choose to have the final say to stop the squabbling or would helping your child to make their own choice be the best way to go? While you and your ex (or soon to be ex) are officially “co-parents “, you will nonetheless find yourself making many parenting decisions by yourself after the divorce. When it’s just you and the kids tonight, this weekend, or this week, issues will inevitably crop up and then it’s parenting showtime…what will you do? Read more