If Divorce Is The Solution, What Is The Problem?

Your best chances at finding the right partner and creating a satisfying relationship going forward may depend on your answer to the ‘If divorce was the solution, what was the problem?’ question. Taking the time and energy to address this difficult divorce query now can greatly impact your future relationships and overall happiness. If your answer to this question was, MY SPOUSE, then undeniably, you are partially correct. However, if that is your only answer, then you are Read more

When Do You Go From “Divorced” To “Single”?

Recently, I used Google to pose this question, “When does the transition from ‘divorced’ to ‘single’ happen?” The answers I found were very interesting. Some message boards listed answers like: “As soon as the ink on your divorce agreement is dried”, or “Whenever you feel single, you are, even if you’re still married!”. Read more

Want To Live Longer? Think “We” Instead of “I”!

It may be true that “Money makes the world go round”, but social connections: relationships with colleagues, peers, and in the community, make us live longer! In Jane Brody’s Personal Health column (New York Times, March 27, 2012) she states that “In study after study…people in loving relationships with spouses or friends were healthier than those lacking this intimacy, even when the latter had healthier living habits. Read more

Can’t You Both Be The ‘Fun’ (Co-)Parent After Divorce?

Parents worry. Parents undergoing divorce may worry even more. They may worry that their children won’t adjust to their new life or the new town or the new living arrangements. They may worry that they won’t do well in school or sports or that they will struggle socially and won’t fit in. Worrying simply seems to go with the territory.

Many parents also worry that because the kids will be living with them most of the time, they will have to take on (or continue to shoulder) the lion’s share of the parenting responsibilities. Read more

Preparing For Divorce: If You Asked For It, If You Didn’t

Micki McWade’s article, “10 Tips For A Sane Divorce: Five For You, Five For Me”, outlines the steps both the person asking for the divorce as well as the one it is happening to can take to feel more prepared. She makes the point that there are big differences between the emotional mindset of the initiator vs. the non-initiator of divorce. Read more

Parenting After Divorce

What can you do if your adolescent daughter brings a troubling issue to you and you have absolutely no idea how to handle it? How can you learn the best way to teach your toddler not to do something?  What if your kids just won’t stop fighting? Will you choose to have the final say to stop the squabbling or would helping your child to make their own choice be the best way to go? While you and your ex (or soon to be ex) are officially “co-parents “, you will nonetheless find yourself making many parenting decisions by yourself after the divorce. When it’s just you and the kids tonight, this weekend, or this week, issues will inevitably crop up and then it’s parenting showtime…what will you do? Read more

Learn to Fight Less With Your Spouse

Want to fight less with your spouse? Then don’t be yourself! It’s only natural for there to be disagreement from time to time between any two people in a relationship. How you work things out (or don’t) has a great impact on your day to day life and on your marriage overall. So, how do you and your spouse go about fighting or disagreeing?

Do you do what you have always done or are you thinking of trying something different? How you choose to fight or try to settle disagreements has an enormous impact on the quality of your day to day life together. Couples often fall into a repetitive pattern of behavior when conflict rears its ugly head. This pattern may be undetectable to the spouses who are enacting it, but a studied, objective eye can be helpful in spotting the types of thinking, feelings, and behaviors are getting repeated. Here are a few examples of the unhelpful patterns that couples can fall into when each person is just acting as they always act and being “themselves”: Read more