Tag Archive for: parenting after divorce

Navigating Your Journey From Married Parents to Divorced Co-parents

Like traveling to any foreign land, making the shift from married parents to divorced co-parents requires learning a new language, paying attention to local customs and rituals, and maintaining an openness and ability to withhold judgement (particularly around differences). When I was in my late teens and on my first flight to Europe, I listened to the couple in front of me incessantly complain and criticize everything the hard-working flight attendant served them. “What is this? Where are the scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon?” It seemed that nothing but familiar, hometown fare would do despite that fact that we were all on a flight to France and being served a delicious and typical French breakfast (Then why travel? I wondered…)

Divorce presents a series of steps or tasks parents must accomplish not unlike taking a trip to a new continent and to a very different culture. In order to maximize the journey, research, preparation, understanding and flexibility along the way are essential. Similarly, an attitude of open-mindedness, patience, and a willingness to tolerate a level of discomfort during the trip (think cramped airline seats, long lines, and navigating unfamiliar cuisines) are needed. Is this too much to ask for during what for many is the worst time of their lives?

One of many areas requiring new understanding, a change of habits, and an agreed upon plan is co-parent communication. For instance, if one of you served as your family’s ‘air traffic controller’ by coordinating activities, scheduling necessary transportation, managing meal planning, homework, and family routines within scheduling confines, etc., what happens now? How will plans for the kids be coordinated and communicated across two households? How does what was once the role of one parent transition to an ongoing collaborative effort between you?

Or, let’s consider a communication issue that appears even earlier in the trip: How will you talk with your children about your plan to divorce? Who will say what? Where, when, and how will this be communicated? How will a child or children’s questions be addressed and by whom? Again, having conversations around an agreed upon roadmap, an understanding and willingness to tolerate the unanticipated twists and turns along the way is needed.

Luckily, there are many experienced divorce ‘tour guides’ available to assist you in navigating the issues above (and the many others that will arise during your family’s version of this trip). Just as you might pick a service/individual to help you plan and execute your journey, you can interview, network, and research your way to finding the right person or persons to help you navigate to your new co-parent destination. I am wishing you both the best possible journey filled with many successes and good learning along the way.

Talking With Your Children About Divorce

If only there were a fool-proof formula that parents could follow and feel reassured that they were saying the right thing, the right way, and at the right time when it comes to telling the children about your separation or divorce. Unfortunately, there is not because every situation is different and every family (in terms of communication styles, personalities, history, etc.) is different, too. But, luckily, there are some guidelines to follow that will surely help. These include:

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A 6 Year Old Co-parenting Expert

Here is some topnotch co-parenting advice and wisdom from a 6 year old girl:

The “Typical” American Family? Look Again!

If you think you know what a “typical” family in America looks like these days, think again. The predominance of cohabiting couples, same sex couples, and single parents challenge our traditional understanding of what a “family” is. Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE to CO-PARENT: Part 2

In Part 1 of this 2 part series, we examined the role feelings play as parents move through the ending of the marriage/divorce process and then beyond  into a co-parenting relationship. In this article, we will explore how to effectively make the emotional shift from spouse to ex-spouse to cooperative co-parent, in two big steps. In Step 1,  you will Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE To CO-PARENT: Part 1

What does it take to transition emotionally from spouses to ‘exes’ to co-parents? How can you engage peacefully in the business of raising healthy children with someone you used to be married to with all of that history between you? Rolling back your relationship to a more formal, business-like arrangement might seem impossible, but while it can be a challenging and difficult process,  it is do-able. It’s also much better for your children.

While there is no perfect “How To” on this, there are some guidelines that can help you Read more

Co-Parenting After Divorce In The Here And Now

When it comes to co-parenting your child or children after divorce, the temptation to try to make up for the past is always present as feelings such as guilt, disappointment, and frustration (on the part of a co-parent) can interfere with your ability to parent in the ‘here and now’. Read more

How Do We Tell The Kids About Our Separation Or Divorce?

If only there were a fool-proof formula that parents could follow and feel reassured that they are saying the right thing, the right way, and at the right time when it comes to telling the children about your separation or divorce. Unfortunately, there is not, but there are some guidelines to follow that will surely help. These include: Read more

Should Divorcing Couples Try To Negotiate On Their Own?

In between collaborative divorce or mediation sessions, should you and your spouse try to come to agreement on issues at the dining room table? Read more

Divorced? Press ‘Enter’ To Begin Dating

Please read my new article for the Huffington Post Divorce Blog, co-written with collaborative attorney, Paula H. Noe  Read more