Tag Archive for: healthy relationships

Navigating Your Journey From Married Parents to Divorced Co-parents

Like traveling to any foreign land, making the shift from married parents to divorced co-parents requires learning a new language, paying attention to local customs and rituals, and maintaining an openness and ability to withhold judgement (particularly around differences). When I was in my late teens and on my first flight to Europe, I listened to the couple in front of me incessantly complain and criticize everything the hard-working flight attendant served them. “What is this? Where are the scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon?” It seemed that nothing but familiar, hometown fare would do despite that fact that we were all on a flight to France and being served a delicious and typical French breakfast (Then why travel? I wondered…)

Divorce presents a series of steps or tasks parents must accomplish not unlike taking a trip to a new continent and to a very different culture. In order to maximize the journey, research, preparation, understanding and flexibility along the way are essential. Similarly, an attitude of open-mindedness, patience, and a willingness to tolerate a level of discomfort during the trip (think cramped airline seats, long lines, and navigating unfamiliar cuisines) are needed. Is this too much to ask for during what for many is the worst time of their lives?

One of many areas requiring new understanding, a change of habits, and an agreed upon plan is co-parent communication. For instance, if one of you served as your family’s ‘air traffic controller’ by coordinating activities, scheduling necessary transportation, managing meal planning, homework, and family routines within scheduling confines, etc., what happens now? How will plans for the kids be coordinated and communicated across two households? How does what was once the role of one parent transition to an ongoing collaborative effort between you?

Or, let’s consider a communication issue that appears even earlier in the trip: How will you talk with your children about your plan to divorce? Who will say what? Where, when, and how will this be communicated? How will a child or children’s questions be addressed and by whom? Again, having conversations around an agreed upon roadmap, an understanding and willingness to tolerate the unanticipated twists and turns along the way is needed.

Luckily, there are many experienced divorce ‘tour guides’ available to assist you in navigating the issues above (and the many others that will arise during your family’s version of this trip). Just as you might pick a service/individual to help you plan and execute your journey, you can interview, network, and research your way to finding the right person or persons to help you navigate to your new co-parent destination. I am wishing you both the best possible journey filled with many successes and good learning along the way.

What If You Are Uncomfortable With Your New Partner’s Co-Parenting Style?

Read this thought provoking article by Lindsay Geller, of Ashton Kucher’s ‘A+ Media‘ on what to do if you are not happy with your new significant other’s Co-parenting style…and see what I had to say about this:

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What If You Taught Lessons On How To Be In A Relationship With You?

You can teach the people around you how to have a successful and enjoyable relationship with ….YOU! First, you will need to take the time to consider WHO you are in a relationship and HOW you want to structure your connections with friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and others. Read more

Frozen Eggs: A Novel Solution to the Work/Life Balance Issue?

Women who work outside the home have found it increasingly challenging to meet and balance all of their professional and personal life responsibilities. Will the recent announcement by Facebook and Apple, to enable women to put off starting a family (by covering expenses for freezing an employee’s eggs for later use) be a positive step? Read more

5 Reasons Why a Woman Might Sabotage Her Own Success

Part 2 of a Series. In part one of this series, I outlined some of the external obstacles women encounter that can block their pathways to success and some common self-sabotaging behaviors they engage in.  In Part 2, five  personal/ internal reasons why women might self-sabotage their own success will be identified. Anyone will tell you that success comes at a cost. We all have thoughts and feelings about success and about what might happen if we had more of it. There are thoughts about the potential rewards (i.e.-fame, glory, riches, etc).  BUT, we also have other thoughts, feelings, and concerns about what having more success might mean to us and how it might negatively impact our lives. If left unarticulated or unaddressed, these can shut us down, roadblock us, and cause us to sabotage our own chances.  Here are 5 reasons why a woman might sabotage her own success: Read more

The “Typical” American Family? Look Again!

If you think you know what a “typical” family in America looks like these days, think again. The predominance of cohabiting couples, same sex couples, and single parents challenge our traditional understanding of what a “family” is. Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE to CO-PARENT: Part 2

In Part 1 of this 2 part series, we examined the role feelings play as parents move through the ending of the marriage/divorce process and then beyond  into a co-parenting relationship. In this article, we will explore how to effectively make the emotional shift from spouse to ex-spouse to cooperative co-parent, in two big steps. In Step 1,  you will Read more

Making The Emotional Shift From SPOUSE To CO-PARENT: Part 1

What does it take to transition emotionally from spouses to ‘exes’ to co-parents? How can you engage peacefully in the business of raising healthy children with someone you used to be married to with all of that history between you? Rolling back your relationship to a more formal, business-like arrangement might seem impossible, but while it can be a challenging and difficult process,  it is do-able. It’s also much better for your children.

While there is no perfect “How To” on this, there are some guidelines that can help you Read more

Want To Live Longer? Think “We” Instead of “I”!

It may be true that “Money makes the world go round”, but social connections: relationships with colleagues, peers, and in the community, make us live longer! In Jane Brody’s Personal Health column (New York Times, March 27, 2012) she states that “In study after study…people in loving relationships with spouses or friends were healthier than those lacking this intimacy, even when the latter had healthier living habits. Read more

How To Get More of What You Want In Relationships

In order to get more of what you want in relationships, it’s important to recognize that there is a “choreography” to good relationships. When relationships work well, each person has Read more