Should Unhappy Parents Stay Together?

coparentsMany of the unhappily married parents I speak with talk about staying married for the sake of their children. “We’ll wait until the kids leave for college, so they can grow up in a home with a mom and a dad” is an all too common refrain. The problem with this logic, though well-intended, is that it doesn’t consider the negative impacts on children of growing up in a home with parents who are not true partners, who don’t love or even like each other, who fight or ignore each other, or worse. Here is a new Huffington Post article that includes 7 reasons (see #4 for my contribution) why it might not be such a good idea for parents who are not happily married to stay together:

Staying Unhappily Married Won’t Help Children

A Divorce Coach Can Save You.

coachingYou may have heard about divorce coaching, but did you know that a skillful divorce coach can save you and your family: time, money, and aggravation? Here’s how:

A Divorce Coach Can Help You Know What You Need. Many divorcing clients have difficulty sorting through the options and possibilities to pinpoint what is most important. It’s easy to get off track or feel overwhelmed Read more

So You Know About The Affair…Now What?

What should you do once you have learned your spouse has been unfaithful? Some people, having just learned about an affair, come to my office wanting a divorce as fast as possible. Others, want to go out and get even, while still others, upon hearing the news of infidelity, try to ignore it and just move on with life. Hopefully, this will never happen to you, but, if it does, how you handle it will greatly depend on your thoughts about what infidelity or cheating really means.

To learn more, read my newest Huffington Post article on this topic and see what makes sense to you:  INFIDELITY

 

What If You Taught Lessons On How To Be In A Relationship With You?

imagesYou can teach the people around you how to have a successful and enjoyable relationship with ….YOU! First, you will need to take the time to consider WHO you are in a relationship and HOW you want to structure your connections with friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and others. This step is important as defining relationship needs can enable you to communicate what you want and then get it! Once you can identify what works for you and what does not, you can teach others how to be in a relationship with you and learn what their relationship expectations are as well. Taking responsibility for providing important information to others on what will and will not work for you relationship-wise is a wonderful first step toward building community for yourself. This can add up to more satisfying and more productive relationships with those you choose to connect with (and even with those you can’t choose but have to be in relationship with—think bosses, co-workers, in-laws, etc).

You can begin your journey to more enjoyable relating by answering this simple question Read more

Practice Positivity This Holiday Season

holidayThe holidays are a time we are supposed to feel grateful and positive, but what if we just plain don’t, is there anything we can do about it?

Research shows that having a positive/grateful attitude can help you live longer and healthier. Regardless of whatever bad luck may have befallen you, there is something you can do to bring some positivity into your life and keep yourself healthier this holiday season. Try one, two or all 5 of these strategies to recognize the good and bring more of the positive into your life.

1. Discover Gratitude

Making a habit of coming up with 3 new things each day you are grateful for actually trains your brain to scan for the positive (rather than just the negative). It actually helps your brain to focus on (and enjoy) the good.

2. Journal

Seriously? YES! Why? Because writing about 1 positive experience you have had over the past 24 hours allows you and your brain to re-live the positive moments and pleasures. Anything wrong with that?

3. Exercise

Good for your system of course but this also teaches your brain that what you do/your behavior really matters. Also, research says that people who move live longer—so get moving!

4. Meditate

You don’t have to buy a Buddha, incense, or set up a shrine for yourself (though you can if you want!). Just take a few moments to sit quietly and clear your mind of all the day’s chatter and noise. Take time to rest and focus on just one thing (a ‘time out’ from the multi-tasking world we live in). Gently breathe in, gently breathe out, and focus only on your breath. As a thought pops up in your ‘mental house’, don’t invite it to stay, gently sweep it to the side and go back to focusing on your breath. Do this for a few minutes or more—whatever is comfortable. This is extraordinarily calming.

5. Schedule Play Time

We schedule meetings, conference calls, and weekly events into our daily calendars … why not schedule in time to play? When was the last time you blocked out an hour just to explore and experiment or intentionally reserved time to have fun? Is being happy less important than your Wednesday meeting? No, yet we act like it is because we never give it a time and place on our calendars.

Schedule time for play and adventure to expand your skills, try new ways of doing things, and experience joy.

Happy doesn’t necessarily just happen to us, it may be more in what we do and how we think about our efforts and experiences. Try these strategies and see if you can get your happy on! Wishing you Happy Holidays!

 

6 Tips to Succeed More and Self-Sabotage Less

self sab buttonPart 3 in a Series By Betsy Ross, LICSW, CGP

The previous articles of this series outlined common self-sabotaging behaviors and discussed the reasons why even the most level headed, driven, and smart women engage in these from time to time (or frequently).

This final article of the series includes 6 effective tips to help you in the process of increasing your success by decreasing self-sabotaging behaviors.

 1. Get Curious.

Instead of just chalking it up to rotten luck or attributing disappointing outcomes to the ‘situation’,  be open and get curious about the fact that you ran out of gas and missed the big meeting or dropped your phone in the toilet or forgot the power cord for your uncharged laptop. Be willing to entertain the possibility that YOU (or your innermost concerns about success) are the issue and that this is indeed self-sabotage. Commit to spend some time and energy on discovering why you might be concerned about increasing your success—what the potential negatives might be for you and pay attention to these.

2. Live ‘AS IF’ Instead of ‘WHAT IF’ Read more