Your best chances at finding the right partner and creating a satisfying relationship going forward may depend on your answer to the ‘If divorce was the solution, what was the problem?’ question. Taking the time and energy to address this difficult divorce query now can greatly impact your future relationships and overall happiness. If your answer to this question was, MY SPOUSE, then undeniably, you are partially correct. However, if that is your only answer, then you are missing the boat. The best possible answer would be that, to at least some extent, the problem was YOU.
Why Ask The ‘Why Divorce’ Question?
Asking the’ Why Divorce?’ question can help you to have a more realistic view of what happened and help you prepare for greater relationship success, moving forward. While we are not looking to place blame on anyone (especially you) or unduly burden you with taking full responsibility for the failure of your marriage, please know that relationships can’t ‘fail’ due to one person alone—it always takes two. Marriages generally fail because of what you each brought to the relationship as well as what happened after the two of you came together and formed a duo. The good news is that to some extent, each of you contributed to what worked well and strengthened your union, but this also means each of you also contributed to the demise of your marriage, too.
Even if your partner seems to have carried most of the weight of your marital problems (their alcoholism, their withdrawal, their cheating, etc.) there was still a role that YOU played in this: Based on what you did or didn’t do, what you allowed yourself to see or couldn’t see, how you addressed or didn’t address problems or conflict, etc. In this way, you truly did contribute to divorce being the best or final solution to what was happening. We believe that the sooner you can accept this, the sooner you will be able to begin your journey to creating more satisfying and healthy relationships moving forward.
The Value of Putting Yourself In The Driver’s Seat
If you are willing to accept, at least partial responsibility for the failure of your marriage, you are in luck (and you have lots of company!). Making yourself accountable gives you great power over your life, your future relationships and your happiness. Once you acknowledge that you had a hand in what went wrong this time, you can learn more about yourself: what you did that didn’t work, why you did or didn’t do it, why you are attracted to a particular type of partner, and more. Armed with this valuable information, you can continue your journey to learn how to pick the right person for you and learn the communication and relationship skills you will need to carry you through.
On the other hand, if you continue to maintain that it was all your spouse’s fault, then you are doomed to repeat whatever mistakes you believe you didn’t make! (You may also be doomed to remain in a similarly difficult and challenging co-parenting relationship with that very same ‘Ex’, as well).
Begin Your Journey With This Simple Question
If you’d like to know more about why your marriage went south and what might lead you to greater marital or relationship satisfaction next time, you can begin by considering and finding your best answers to this one question: What are three things I did to contribute to the successful aspects of my marriage and three things I did (or didn’t do) that contributed to the failure of my marriage. Next, contact me for a FREE 30 MINUTE CONSULTATION during which we will review your answers to this question and begin the conversation on how you might improve your chances for relationship bliss in the future! For your free 30 minute session via telephone, Skype, or in-person, you can contact me at: Info@BetsyRossCoaching.com